Start all over again
“If life has turned out so that you have not found your personal happiness, but are ready for decisive changes and are not afraid to trust Home Hearth, you can become a participant in this project.” So we announced the acceptance of online applications for participation in the experiment. Of the letters we received, we chose one. And the work began to boil!
Letter to the editors “My name is Natalia, I am raising an eight-year-old son alone. I work as a photographer. I am already (or else?) 43 years old. Relatives say that I look much younger. But ... probably, appearance is still not the main thing, since I still could not find my happiness.
I divorced my husband three years ago. We are so different people! It's amazing that we generally lasted together for several years! Once I realized that from a fun girl I turned into a nervous, full of complexes aunt who stopped believing in herself. The divorce was difficult. But I did it. I practiced yoga, went to the gym, met with friends ... As a result, in the mirror I again began to see a pretty pretty woman. But…
... Before, before marriage, I had no problems with men. And after the divorce, something seemed to go wrong. There are many friends, but there is no lover. New acquaintances do not translate into anything serious ... And I’m afraid that after self-digging and introspection on the topic “Why does this happen?”, I will again grow into complexes a la “everyone needs only the young”, “at my age it’s impossible to meet someone worthy - they all dismantled ”,“ what is still wrong with me? ”,“ maybe I somehow dress wrong? ” Well and so on ...
Loneliness - it is addictive. A little more, and I will wave my hand at myself. But still, the hope of personal happiness remains. Maybe it's worth a little change, and everything will be fine? I will be very glad if you help! ”
Stage One: Change the Hair
Change the hairstyle
Dmitry Magin, art director of Nifel beauty salon, VIP master of Nifel salon, creative partner of L’Oreal Professionnel, member of the creative team HCF (High Fashion Hairdressing France), official Garnier stylist-creator:
As soon as Natasha entered the salon, I immediately understood what we would do. I saw in her a romantic Parisian woman with a square and a short bang. To do this, we significantly removed the length, thereby getting rid of dull and spoiled hair. I conducted a simple test, asking Natasha to choose the colors that appeal to her. She opted for warm reddish brown hues. I only slightly adjusted her choice - settled on a rich copper-brown shade, slightly darker than her usual color. After our transformation, Natasha began to look not only younger, but also brighter even without makeup.
In general, women are usually afraid of radical experiments with their appearance, be it a haircut, a change in hair color or bright makeup, but our heroine behaved very bravely and no doubt trusted the professionals.
Stage two: adjust the style of clothing
Adjust clothing style
Dmitry Magin: Natalia is a happy owner of a good figure, so she can afford to wear almost everything. But I would recommend her a feminine style of dress.
In order to effectively shade the new hair color, we chose a turquoise blouse with open shoulders and a sheath skirt, which emphasizes Natasha’s slim hips, as well as pastel shades, to convey the tenderness and fragility of our heroine. Well and, of course, we could not help but offer Natasha the graceful high-heeled shoes that adorn any woman, making her sexy and confident, because before our experiment, she preferred comfortable shoes with flat soles.
- In stores, often pay attention to the mannequins presented in the windows. As a rule, they demonstrate a total look (finished image) in accordance with current fashion trends. What to wear with. How to combine colors. What to use accessories. In fact, this is a clear hint! It is not necessary to buy exactly these things, where it is important to see the trend, to catch the fashion direction.
- Feel free to contact the consultants for help and professional advice.
- Buy things not separately, but in sets, immediately thinking over what you will wear with.
- Take pictures of yourself more often: a look from the side helps you see what suits you and what doesn’t go very well.
- Remember that in the changing rooms and the storeroom there is different lighting. Both that, and another can "deceive you". Evaluate your reflection only in natural (ideally daylight) light.
Stage Three: Talking with a Psychologist
Conversation with a psychologist
Anette Orlova, psychologist, author and director of the School of Women's Charm:
Before us is a fairly common and vivid example: a girl is beautiful and smart, and at the same time experiences loneliness. And he does not allow the demonstration of his inner feelings, because she has in her head the image that she should be: do not complain about anything, do not whine, and always look like she has everything wonderful. But actually there is a lot of pain inside.
We understood her feelings and sensations and found certain “points” - the causes of the problem. One of the main ones is remote relations with his father in childhood. This led to the fact that the girl, and then the woman, practically did not expect anything special from the men. And when some expectations appeared, in the end they led to disappointment.
The second point: for a long time, the word "love" Natalia understood the man’s attitude to her, his feelings, and her own were not very important for her. From the fact that once she really lacked a dad, later with men she felt comfortable in the role of a child accepting love, and not giving. Now she is moving to a new stage in her life - when she herself wants to feel strong love and give it. But here the question arises: to whom to give? Indeed, from personal experience, she knows that it is sometimes dangerous to give away her feelings ...
Our heroine is by nature very affectionate for people, so she is hard pressed to experience disappointment in them and is afraid of it.
How to get rid of loneliness?
Anette Orlova recommends:
I want to say not only to Natalia, but to all women: when starting to struggle with emptiness in our personal lives, first of all, we need to understand that we are often alone not because nobody loves us, but because we find a lot of reasons, in order to be ... lonely. For example, a woman is a single mother, and she is afraid that if she enters into a serious relationship with someone, and the man suddenly does not get along with the child, then the child will suffer. And from this she comes up with excuses herself, they say, and she is not attractive, and some man is not like that. Or another example: a person once experienced a severe emotional trauma and is now afraid to get burned again. In all these and many other cases, the practices described above are very helpful.
And one more important tip: you must definitely go in for sports! Only not with strength exercises in the gym (they develop male energy in us, but women need it), but with something aimed at the development of plastic, ideally - dancing. This helps liberation, the adoption of your body, the development of self-confidence.
Work to get rid of loneliness should be versatile. This is work with both your inner world and the outside. This is the same as if a woman plans to open her own business. You need to set a goal, develop a plan, and then - step by step - move towards the dream. And everything will turn out!
Stage Four: Work on the Bugs
We started with two effective techniques.
First - “cleansing screen technique” - allows you to erase all negative emotions in your mind. Natalia is not positive, she is always waiting and afraid of a negative scenario, thereby attracting him to herself.
The work goes like this: we take a breath with our eyes closed, imagining an unpleasant situation in the past, and mentally blow it out, then sprinkle it with sand and finally blow it off with the last sharp exhalation. So you need to repeat 3 times and continue every day until the negative is completely erased. The main thing is not to take more than 1-2 different situations a day, so that there is no confusion in one’s thoughts.
Second technique - “breathing through the fingers” - is aimed at the development and accumulation of femininity, allowing you to feel it.
Our heroine has femininity, but, on the one hand, she is afraid to show her, on the other, she does not want to. She cannot allow herself to be real, from which she herself suffers. She wants to behave with men naturally, not play any role, but fear of losing relationships prevents this.
The technique is as follows: we sit down with our hands on our knees and mentally breathe through each finger in turn. And on each inhale and exhale, we repeat to ourselves or aloud: "I am the bliss of God." And so in a circle 5 times for each finger. Then: raise the left hand (the right one is not necessary) and breathe through each finger in the same way.
Impressions of Natalia about the project
Impressions of Natalia about the project
“Not only I liked my new image. All my friends unanimously declared that I was younger for several years! I walked with long hair for a long time, and it was scary to change my hairstyle: what if it will be worse?
Dmitry Magin is a master of his craft. For the first time in my life I heard from a stylist what exactly suits me, what hairstyle and what color. And at the photo shoot I tried on a lot of outfits (this alone is uplifting!), I discovered the Marc Cain clothing brand, and I simply fell in love with a red dress from Mehh.
At a meeting with psychologist Anette Orlova, I had an insight. It turns out that all my life I was engaged in a male sport! Since 25 years I am fond of strength training, and this does not contribute to the development of femininity. Moreover, lifting the bar is like a message to myself: “I will bear everything!” And indeed, that was indeed so. Bottom line: I now have more masculine energy. Output? Dancing! I will definitely include dancing in my fitness program.
I understood a lot of what we discussed with Anette before, but my thoughts did not add up to the overall picture. And she seemed to give them integrity. This project helped me not only to look at myself from the outside, but also to get useful and practical advice, to change my style and way of thinking. I am sure that everything will be fine in my life from now on!
How to meet on the Internet?
We understand: making online dating is difficult. In addition, many of us have long forgotten what it means to go on dates ... That's why preparation is so important. And step by step instructions.
Step number 1
Filling out a questionnaire on a dating site, you will need a personal photo. On it you should look attractive and confident. Therefore ... Refresh your hair, go to a manicure, buy a new blouse in bright colors. Being married, you could not worry about fashion. But now you are alone, and if you want to restart your personal life, you will have to take a critical look at your wardrobe.
And only after that plan a photo shoot. “Why all these preparations?” - you ask. Then, having done them, you will smile at your reflection more than once. Nothing makes a woman so young as her confidence and positive attitude! And remember, all this you do first of all for yourself.
Step number 2
To add confidence in yourself and your own strengths will help the method of "Results". Summarize your achievements: list the strengths that you managed to realize, what you are really proud of, what skills you have (your signature pear cake counts!). Write down all the items on paper.
Now you should tune in to ... failure. Let's face it: each of us is faced with denial on everyday issues. What can we say about a situation like acquaintance. We warn you right away, it will be extremely tempting to step back and say: "So this whole undertaking is not my option." If you do not fear being rejected, everything will succeed!
Step number 3
Thoughts about the future
After you have compiled a list of what you should be proud of and made mental setbacks, you have to make a second list. You must understand what you want to get from a future acquaintance. Be extremely honest. To get married again, or is it just fun to spend time? Only be friends with a man or do not exclude sexual relations with him? And most importantly: are you ready to make a commitment and care for another person?
Having determined the ultimate goals, create your profile on a dating site. Once you activate your profile, that's it - relax. Do not take everything too seriously, do not worry. Treat everything as if it were an interview. Your resume may not appeal to all employers. And not all employers will like you. Right? Sometimes you have to go to 50 interviews before you find the perfect job.
Step number 4
The second (or even third) time, everything should be done correctly. Errors made in the first marriage should be taken into account. Over the years (and from the experience of past relationships) we know: it is impossible to change another person. Therefore, look for that partner whom you will accept and understand, and not break and correct. Pay attention to the interlocutor's priorities, his values and personal qualities. They should fit your lifestyle.
By the way, mature men recognize that common interests are much more important to them than physical (sexual) relationships. Looking back, the first marriage seems superficial to many men. In adulthood, they value personal qualities.
Remember, in youth, opposites attract. In maturity attracts similarity.
Step number 5
The main recommendation is to be honest and correct. Find out each other's interests, likes and dislikes. Speak not only about yourself, give the other person a word!
In order for your relationship to have a chance for development, you must agree on several key issues: family, politics, attitude to finance. But do not write off immediately to disclose all the information about yourself. Proceed steadily. If a man suits you, you will have time for revelation.
And one more important nuance: all your meetings should be held in a public place - in a cafe, museum, open lecture, festival. For a start - in the afternoon or in the early evening. Let's say Saturday. And only by knowing each other better, you can combine a date with dinner at your home.
important questionsHow to tell adult children that I plan to find a partner? Straight. It’s hard to predict what your children’s reaction will be. But this is your life, and in it you play the most important role. And this is your chance to become happier.
What should I wear on a date? The main thing - do not borrow clothes from children. Put on what you look great in colors that flatten your face, in styles that show your figure - without compromising on comfort.
Who should pay the bill? Usually the one who invites for a date. However, in the final meeting you can still reach for your wallet and look at the reaction of the interlocutor.